The One With the Boy Out of My League

                                        

I’ve known you for years. And yet, somehow, you’ve never even crossed my mind. Until now. Why now, I wonder. What happened to switch it all up? I’ve known you for years, but I’ve just noticed you.

I’m sorry if it sounds bad or harsh, but YOU ARE NOT MY TYPE!!! YOU are NOT MY type!!! You are Not my type…You are not my type…you are not my type…you are not my type…you are not my type…my type…my type…you are… *deepest sigh in the galaxy*...not...?

You are a quiet one. Not so much as a matter of shyness but you get lost somewhere. Travelling all the time into a stratosphere not many people care to even venture to. Where are you travelling to?

The young of your age shows that you’re frivolous and superficial. But really…are you? When the doors shut and you’re by yourself, in your thoughts, in your own little cosmos…who are you?

And those eyes…oh those eyes have killed me…those penetrating eyes,  that hold such mystery. Perhaps that’s their charm. Their silence. That’s the trick. Draw them in with nothing but a stare. Cunning like a Siberian wolf.

And yet, I don’t know if it’s the years I’ve spend not paying attention to you or the fact that it has been a romantic dry spell, but there’s something magnetic about you. Regardless, if on the surface for you only lean bodies and waves of blond hair attract you, I think there’s more than meets the eye. Those blue eyes.

Where are you? Who are you? Speak to my soul. It’s ready to listen. Don’t be afraid…

And just like that, once again, you become a cloud and you’re off for another adventure…filled with substances that liberate your body and numb your mind. The flesh I care little about…but the mind…I wonder if it’s beautiful. You hardly let people in, it’s like a challenge to pierce it and delve into it. Will you let me?

I’ve known you for years, and somehow you’ve only now crossed my mind. Perhaps it’s because I had the notion that you would associate the phrase “not good enough” when it comes to me. Not good enough in bed. Not good enough body. Not good enough face. Not good enough character. Not.Good.Enough.

You hardly speak. And you only reply when you’re spoken to. I wonder how that beautiful mind works…Does it connect the dots? Does it suppress feelings and emotional storms? Is there a black box that holds myriads of unlocked feelings? Dare you to listen to them?

The face is as blank as a canvas…And yet, I saw that smile too. Its rarity holds its mystery. What frightens that smile away? Why does it not come more often?

You.Are.Not.My.Type.

The hot kind. The hot beach body kind. The quiet kind. The party animal type. The born to blend type.

But I’ve concluded…you’re a cloud. And just like my silly heart makes up stories of what it would feel like to touch your lips or breathe your air, it is futile to dwell on things that are preordained. 

*Oh but how I long for those lips...*

Whilst you love your self and everything about it on the outside, I struggle to convince myself every day that I am beautiful too, despite the flaws society inflicts on me. But whilst I learn to love myself on the inside, perhaps you struggle to reach an emotional level you never knew it existed on the inside.

And just like that, we’re two imperfects…I wonder if a unison would make a whole perfect.

Will I ever know?

Perhaps. Perhaps not.

The fact remains. It is NOT that you’re not my type, but it’s the fact that possibly, and irrevocably, I AM NOT YOURS… *deepest sigh through the eons*

I have known you for years. But I’ve only just now noticed you. And perhaps it’s time again, to throw you into obscurity. It’s a self -preservation thing, you see. Don’t hold it against me.  My silly heart will always have a magnetic spark for what lies beneath in you…

Boy…be well. Be a good one. And when you soar into the depths of your cosmos, I hope sometime you meet flares of my soul…

Kings of Leon - Closer