A Christmas Carol

A Christmas Carol

Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home.

 ~Carol Nelson

It was the Winter of 2008 and everything was buzzing in the streets. The Christmas decorations had been put up since early October and the shops were selling like crazy, despite the recent economical crash that plummeted the entire country.

I can still remember every detail about that cold December day. By that time, it would have been already 2 months I made the decision to move into the world’s capital, London, in the hopes of making it on my own. Of course the results hadn’t proven fruitful, since by each passing day my hopes for landing my first job were falling apart.

There’s something magical about the holiday season though. I could never really explain it, but it always felt like, just like the dead spirits roam the streets on Halloween, at Christmas all the angels were floating about. It always felt like Christmas was the Angels' Season.

Hence, I’ve decided not to lose my courage, what was left of it anyway and go in with a bang. I was lucky enough to score an interview session at the Theatre Royal,Drury Lane, where for the first time – after a long time – the musical Oliver!, would be staged, a musical which had previously been directed by Sam Mendes, himself. The name on the title role – a Mr. Rowan Atkinson aka Mr. Bean (as he was best known), was music to my ears.

Even the thought alone of working in that place gave me the shivers. But I was willing to give it my all.

I prepared my gear, I put on my thin worn out coat which was the closest thing I had to something resembling a young business woman, and headed for the tube line nearby my house. My dream to make it in the big city was something of a fantasy by that point. Every time I’d take a tube ride it would be another reminder of how awfully I had failed my parents, but most of all myself.

A few days before, there was a huge argument with my mother. She had also started losing hope of whether I could afford to stay longer without a job. She could not support me, and her patience was also running thin.

Just to make things worse, a stop tube ride away from where I was staying at the time, the main offices of ‘TECHNICOLOR’ were there. This was the company that started it all; my dream to become an editor. My visit to the building the year before with my University delegation, had sparked something so extraordinary, I just couldn’t help but shudder at the thought of not fighting it out till the end.

I remember that I would always choose to sit on the tube carriage at the right hand side and would always make sure I got a window seat for the ‘TECHNICOLOR’ sign viewing. It was there for me to see always, and keep me hopeful that someday…someday, I would walk those halls again.

Likewise, I would do the same ritual on my way back home every evening with the ‘BBC TelevisionCentre’ sign. This was at the ‘White City’ tube station. It always reminded me of ‘Gotham City’ for some reason. Like everything was awaiting for me there. And I would always make sure to get a seat that would allow me to view that sign. Every day, after an exhausting route of visiting shops, handing out countless CV’s and going to a variety of interviews, I would allow myself to think on those tube rides home, that someday, I would make it.

So, in the chill of that December day, I walked into the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, to be interviewed for an usher position. The pay was basic wage salary, but at that point, I would be glad even if I got that.

I entered the sliding doors into the burgundy carpeted foyer and asked to be directed towards the interview rooms. They showed me into the inside circle foyer where the steps where hanging from left and the right hand side into the Upper Circle Stalls. I sat down by one of the velvety burgundy sofas and waited.

My anxiety was sky rocketing by now, but I tried to keep myself calm by looking around through their brochures and their various leaflets for the theatre up-coming season. As I tilted my head at one point, there he was, standing all proud and arrogant in front of me, with that know-it-all look in his eye. It may have been only a statue, but deep down I knew that he was staring at me, piercing through my soul asking me whether I was strong enough to succeed.

It was him; Shakespeare; a bronze 6 feet long statue, that had this mocking stare on it, like he knew that the theatre is not something you apply for a job to do, but something you were born to create. He knew it back then, I knew it all too well too.

Still, I had to start from somewhere. And once they called in my name, I dashed to the secluded room in one of the theatre back rooms.

Despite it all, I was bubbly and friendly and smiled so genuinely that I even surprised myself. That look he gave me down the corridor moments before, it was like a lending hand from an angel, letting me know that I should be my most genuine honest self and that all would be well. And so I did.

The questions were answered, even the ‘tell us your greatest drawback’ one. God, I hated this question in interviews. Sometimes, I still do. I learned to work around it since then. The interview was held by two mid-thirties business like women. Assertive and straightforward, they knew their way around a man’s world well and how to manage people. I liked them for that. I aspired to be just like them one day, back then.

By the end, I was feeling a tad hopeful and that maybe this time my luck would smile at me. As I walked out into the blistering cold again, my heart was flapping about. Like something was beginning to awaken. Just being in the theatre, gave me a reason to smile and be hopeful again.

I walked around Covent Garden, the place to be for theatre people; you know one of these festive alleys which are full of trinkets and Christmas gifts galore. All of a sudden, everything felt so warm, so magical. Like a wand touched my heart and it begun to believe again.

I reached the great round hall near there, where there were musicians and street artists performing. The bronze man, the clown, the juggler. Every corner was filled with someone or something. In the middle of the Covent Garden square there was a quartet playing. They were playing Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major.

I was mesmerized.

The music, the atmosphere, the lights, the feelings. Sudden I was full of love. I forgot about my empty pockets and my saggy shoes. My body did not matter anymore. I was floating. I felt intoxicated by this celebration of love. I was experiencing a moment of full love.

Never in my life, have I felt so full than I did in that single moment. Maybe it was the gloriousness of the music, or the smiles on the people’s faces. Although I was all alone, I was feeling complete.

The music was so majestic, I could not be unpinned from that spot. I was glued till the end. And when it was all over, the love was still dancing in my heart. I walked around the festive stalls and felt joy and satisfaction.

I remember that, that afternoon, I did not feel like a failure anymore. I was feeling like doer. As I started to make my way back to the tunneled tube station of Covent Garden, I thought to myself that today was a good day and that I wouldn’t cry.

The tube ride was quiet this time. Not too many people on board, no much hustle about in the carriages. I reached back home by early evening time. The house had just started buzzing with the housemates cooking and wrapping Christmas gifts.

I felt awful for not being able to buy something for them, but then again, I felt more awful for my empty belly which was growing impatient too. So I decided to put on the pot and make some good ol’ rice and veggies.

It is wonderful, when you think that you will have a quiet evening in and then all of a sudden one phone call can disrupt your whole routine.

Not too many hours had passed since I left from that back door theatre room and I received a call. My initial thought was that this was the ‘rejection phone call’. On second thought though, I realized that ‘rejections’ were only coming through the post and not through the phone.

I picked up the phone and listened carefully. ‘We loved you, we liked your personality and we are pleased to inform you that we would like you to join us in our winter season for Oliver! as a head usher.’

One word: flabbergasted!!!

My mouth dropped, my hands were starting to sweat. My mind kept shouting ‘I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT, I KNEW I’D MAKE IT!!!’. My mouth was thanking the interview lady and promised not to disappoint.

Finally, after 2 months of running up and down all over London like a maniac, after so many CV’s and so many nights of crying and praying, I landed my first job at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane. It may have been just an usher job, but it was mine and that was my achievement.

Every December since that day, the song I heard back then in Covent Garden, will always make me remember that the greatest and the worse thing to hold onto in this life is hope. But the greatest feeling to see you through it all will always be love.

It doesn’t matter where you are, what you do, who you are. As long as you love genuinely, then all will turn out just fine.

This story is a piece of my life, I hardly share with people, but it always makes me remember to value and appreciate all the things I already have and not the things I am striving or wished I had.

I wish every single one of you in this blogosphere a Happy Holiday Season, filled with hope, love and good health. Make sure you say I love you to the people you truly cherish, however far you may have strayed. Make sure you say your ‘I love you’s’ now, today, and don’t waste any life that passes you by.

Merry Christmas Everyone! 

                          

Pachelbel - Canon in D Major